Friday, January 22, 2010
Cycle #14 - $81.92
Sitting on Cycle #14… looking for my next $81.92. Where? How? Who? It’s like looking for the color “red” around the room. The act of focus and attention forces me to be aware. My brain goes to work sifting and sorting. Where will $81.92 appear? How will I generate it, discover it, receive it, multiply it? Eyes open.
But money troubles me. It’s a fear I learned from my family of origin. I say this not to play the victim but to examine and explain the source of my perverted perspective. In most areas of my life I feel a level of confidence mastery. But managing resources sparks a paralysis in me that I must defeat in order to bring balance to my life.
My grandfather on my mother’s side was a holiness church pastor. In his world money was evil. He never wanted to touch the stuff. His provision came as pure charity from others: the “laity” in his church who dared enter the “world” and earn their bread. That’s as far as he thought about stewardship.
My grandfather of my father side had the opposite vice. He was a gambler who played fast and loose with his wealth. Over his lifetime he probably made a fortune then lost it 10 times over. His perspective on money was a magical one, complicated by a strange faith in fortune, and luck, and the power of a fast hand to outsmart the slippery, abusive will of money.
I stand between my two grandfathers. I’m afraid to touch the stuff, and yet I “play the slots” so to speak, expecting my money to magical appear or disappear.
In my hunger to become everything God has created me to be, I’m now putting myself in a place where God can correct these character flaws. To be a true disciple of Jesus is to be rounded, whole, courageous and faithful in ALL things Godly. That means – in my case – developing a mastery of stewardship. That’s the deeper motivation behind this doubling venture: I can’t be everything God created for me until I learn this lesson.
“Double Up” adventure is my effort to double $.01 as many times as I can in the year 2010. I hope to run as many as 25 “cycles” which would produce more than $100,000 – about what I need this year over and above my salary to meet additional living expenses. Follow my progress… And join me if you dare!
Beliefnet Daily
